On A Sad Note

I promised to blog more but the past weeks have been stressful and hectic for me so I never did get to blog or do anything much.  You could say I am still healing/recovering from the loss of my baby brother. We had to pack up the whole family and fly thousands of miles to attend his funeral. I just couldn't believe he was gone until I had actually seen it with my own eyes.  Needless to say, I bawled and didn't sleep for days when my family told me.  I just had to get home and thank the LORD my leave got approved and the bank extended my line of credit because Hubby and my kidlet had to come with me.  I don't think I could have managed on the plane by myself. Not that there would have been any histrionics but that it was just something I couldn't face by myself.

I really thought I would have a breakdown when I saw his body.  I didn't.  I never cried during the wake, it was only when they were burying him that I cried again.  Maybe I was too jet-lagged or I was cried out and exhausted but I just stood in front of his coffin and said goodbye. He looked pretty good as he lay there in uniform.  Oh, I forgot to mention that he was cop and he died on duty. In some ways, him being a cop made it easier in a sense since we knew that danger was a part of his job.  Some people would say we should find some justice and be clamoring for the blood of the criminals who shot him, but you know what, all of us in my family agree that that would be pointless.  We've forgiven the drug addled criminals who shot and killed him.  We believe that for what they did, well, that's between them and GOD.  I, for one, don't have the energy to waste on hating them for what happened.  For one, it won't bring my brother back and secondly, my brother won't really like it.  He was prepared for it in a way. Like he told his partner a few hours before they got shot, "We're cops, we should always be ready to put our life on the line to do our work."  Not very dramatic but it was like he knew.

I miss him. We all do.  The kid who would always make a racket every morning, knocking on my bedroom door to tell me my favorite cartoon was on.  The kid who loved to watch TV with me and tell me about episodes I missed. I could go on and on... What can else can I say?  He'll always be my baby bro and our hero.

So yeah, that's why I haven't really blogged.

Goodbye, Baby.
I shall see you no more.
I shall hear you no longer.
I shall hug you no more...
I will forever mourn your loss.


  1. Thanks. He was a good kid. Gave me a headache when he was in college but I'm glad he got his life straightened out when he became a cop. :-)